Lately I've been thinking a lot about my role as a mom. As I think about what kind of mom I thought I'd be, what kind of mom I want to be and what kind of mom I actually am, I feel like I'm failing. The three are just not meshing and I am feeling a real need to buckle down and do a better job. So my goal for the month of October is to make some changes in that area of my life. (you have to know by now that I have to have goals, right?!)
They say it takes 21 days to form a new habit so I figure if I take the whole month to make a few changes they ought to be second nature by the start of the new year. Since I don't want to set myself up to fail nor do I want to feel overwhelmed, I am only going to make a few changes right now. Once I have those changes mastered I'll move onto other areas~ because holy cow, there are definitely a lot areas to cover!
So, to start myself on this exciting new journey (it's exciting to me anyway!) I have decided to actually make my kids breakfast in the morning. For some reason I have always thought I needed to be ready by 8:30 right along with all three of them.....talk about chaotic mornings and undue pressure! Sadly, in all that choas, a quality breakfast time has been all but forgotten. Don't get me wrong, the kids eat and they eat decently. But I'd like them to actually enjoy what they're eating. And trust me; they don't enjoy cereal. So I have decided to make breakfast a priority in our house by actually making my kids breakfast instead of just cereal. Won't they be surprised!
Another change I hope to make will be to just spend more time talking with them instead of continually parenting them. They know the basics. They know the rules. They know what's expected of them behavior wise in school, in public and at home. It's up to them to follow those rules and expectations. My continual nagging isn't doing any of us any good. So, I am making a promise to myself and the kids to spend more time just talking and less time mothering. Overall, they are great great kids with fabulous personalities and fun interests and I feel like I am missing out on truly getting to know them because I'm so worried about being their mom.
My last change for the month is to relax. (Oh shoot! Did you just spit your coffee clear across the room at that one?! Sorry. I'll help you clean it up.) Yes, this will be a tougher one for me to conquer because, well, you know me, relaxed I am not! But if I can commit and stick to baking once a week, I can learn to relax a little too. The hard part about this goal will be zeroing in on areas where I need to relax. (be quiet Marty!) But I figure if I can purpose to be more relaxed in general, then it will all fall into place eventually. Our schedule isn't set in stone. So what if we eat dessert before dinner? And who cares if Meghan is up till 9:45 instead of 9:30........life will go on and we'll all probably be a little happier in the process.
So, wish me luck on my journey.......I know there will be days I fall off the wagon, but I have the best of intentions. But what I need to tell myself is that every improvement, every change, no matter how small it may seem, is better than no improvement at all.
You are already a GREAT Mom!!
ReplyDeleteFrom experience I can tell you that it isn’t that we need to CHANGE, but that we need to BE.
ReplyDeleteI still fight this one…
We THINK there is a way that we are supposed to be – which is usually something different than who we REALLY are.
Of course, we get these ideas from movies, tv, magazines, etc…
(I bet you’ve seen a magazine that says: 10 ten ways to be a better mom!)
Really? That magazine would know HOW to be a mom?
I look at what a MAN is to be and boy are there mixed messages…when it isn’t being a man I’m supposed to be, but ME.
This is tricky because then the question is asked: well, who AM I?
Well, honestly, we know who we are, deep down. We may have hidden it, or buried it, or tossed it aside.
Me?
I am a writer – I NEED to write. So, in order to be ME I write everyday – maybe not a story or something special, but I write. This is a part of me. It is me. If I don’t write…I get cranky.
If I don’t write, I don’t feel me.
If I don’t feel me…I look for ways to “change.”
Okay, are there things we need to work on. These are usually “habits” but habits do not define us. They are not us.
I smoked (for many years) but smoking didn’t define me…it didn’t make me a worse husband, son, etc…
I have changed that.
If you truly want to be a “better mom” just become more and more you.
God made you just the way he wanted to. It’s when we start changing that that we get frustrated or feel that we aren’t “making the grade.”
Case in point: the ME cries almost every time I hear the song “Put a little love in your heart.” ( I have soft feelings) But the “view” I have of how I should be doesn’t.
Also, the more we “BE” the more we begin to feel like ourselves and be comfortable with ourselves.
There is so much of what we THINK we need, should do, need to do, have to do, should become, shouldn’t have become…most of it are lies.
To be.
God made us just the way we are supposed to be, all we need to do is let it happen. Not “try” but “let.”
It’s a process as we have to “let go” of a lot of negative habits, but it’ll come.
My advice (which I try not to hand out as much anymore) is to find one thing you KNOW is YOU and do that on a regular basis. Give yourself that, the rest will gradually emerge.